The Great Indian Conundrum

Since my last blog on relationships was fairly well received, I have decided to push my luck and write another blurb on the great dilemma which South Asian youth face, usually sometime in their twenties. That being the conundrum of marriage... and more specifically, what TYPE of marriage?

To my non desi readers, let me explain... to most of the world, there is only one type of marriage... where a boy and girl meet, fall in love, and get married. Simple, right? Well, Indians like to complicate things. This usual type of marriage throughout the rest of the world is classified in India as a 'Love' marriage. However, the more predominant way of getting hooked up in India is still via a process known as the 'Arranged' marriage.

Yes, this is the truth. Indians believe love should have nothing to do with a marriage. After all, most couples end up hating each other after a few years anyway, so why bother with love in the first place? It is just more efficient that way. :-D

Okay, so maybe I made that last paragraph up. But essentially, the belief is that love is something which develops over the course of a marriage, and therefore, it is more important that the two people should have a compatible lifestyle, family, and culture, and if these things exist, then love will develop soon after. And of course, whom better to decide who you should eventually fall in love with than your parents? :-S

Welcome to the concept of the 'Arranged Marriage'. At this point, some readers may be getting freaked out. But thankfully, the process has modernized quite a bit, and it is not as bad as it seems. Things have progressed, from where the bride and groom to be were not allowed to even see each other until the wedding itself, to the point where now, generally, they meet, date for a few weeks, get to know each other, before agreeing to the union. Other criteria such as caste, and societal status are slowly diminishing in importance. It is not really so much arranged marriage now as it is arranged dating. Only that usually your parents choose who it is they feel would be best for you to date. The internet has helped. Whereas before match making would be limited to alliances brought forth from within a certain geographic area, and generally by family and friends, now the entire world is at your fingertips. This is probably a good thing, as in my opinion, it would be kind of weird to be asked to date someone whom you knew as a childhood friend.

So which is the better option? Undoubtedly there are advantages and drawbacks to both sides. Proponents of the Love Marriage will say that couples may not get to know each other well enough before the marriage, and the person you agree to could be totally different from the person you thought you were marrying. Proponents of the Arranged Marriage will argue that couples can mislead each other even if they have found each other on their own anyway, so what is the difference? (See the ABCD Theory for more info) Proponents of the Arranged Marriage will argue that there is less stress via this method as they don't have to worry about any searching, but proponents of the Love Marriage will point out how stressful it must be to be spending the rest of your life with someone whom you don't even know that well? Love Marriage supporters would probably classify Arranged Marriages as dull, dreary, archaic and oppressive, while Arranged Marriage supporters would probably point out that statistically the proportion of Arranged Marriages tend to be more successful. We can continue the debate and go on, and on, and on...

Ultimately, to me, I think it is a question of maturity, and those who have accepted reality, and those who haven't. Reality is not perfect, and therefore, it is unrealistic to go around searching for the illusion of perfection while ignoring the fact that you are not perfect yourself. If you are mature enough to understand this then I think EITHER option will work. Some people realise this on their own, others come to a dead end and realise this after repeated failures, and there are those who still have not come to accept this.

In my opinion, the idea of the 'spark' is complete nonsense. True compatibility is something which is beyond an instantaneous attraction. The 'spark' is nothing but lust (ABCD Theory again), and I don't think that is something on which a happy marriage can be based upon. Usually the 'spark' is something you WANT to believe in just to tell yourself that you are involved in some sort of a fairytale relationship. In fact, I believe that things such as lifestyle, family, and culture are ultimately more important to a successful union. Believing that love will sustain you through everything is unrealistic. That initial heat and mindless infatuation is bound to die down eventually. Down the road if your partner is not financially secure, or you have married into a family which doesn't understand or accept your customs you will most likely end up regretting your choice.

Although it may sound that I am in favor of the Arranged Marriage system, this is not the case at all. I really think that if a person is mature enough to realise what true compatibility is, and that their partner, and circumstances are never going to be perfect, then they can surely find that person on their own, without the help of their parents and family. Certainly for every happy, successful arranged marriage, there are couples which were poorly matched, and are staying together just for the sake of it. Ultimately, an individual can understand his or her self the best, and if they can find a compatible partner on their own, and select him or her based on the values are important to them and will keep them happy in the long term, without getting carried away about how they may feel in the short term, then there is a good chance for success and THAT is probably the best route to marital happiness.

Phew... this was a long one. Once again, my usual disclaimer. No offense intended towards those who are single, divorced, in arranged marriages, love marriages, dating, hating, asexual or bisexual. Your feedback is gladly appreciated, and would be welcomed. And to those of you who are facing 'The Great Indian Conundrum'... good luck to you!

Christmas Commercialism

I happened to be at the mall a few days ago (November 11) to pick up a few supplies from Zellers. While nothing out of the ordinary happened at all, one thing struck me. The Christmas decorations at Oakridge Mall had already gone up, and some stores were advertising Christmas sales. This really irritated me.

I understand that the economy is not doing so well, and stores need to turn a profit. And the holiday season is the most profitable time of the year. But my goodness, when stores are bombarding you 6 weeks early, you can't help but wonder if Christmas has just gotten too commericalized. Furthermore, are we really so out of touch that we would rather worry about Christmas Shopping than take at least ONE day to remember our fallen soldiers on November 11?

Commercialism and advertising is fine, but when it starts up before Remembrance Day, it is just a bit too much. I wouldn't be surprised if soon stores advertising for Christmas in July, and we as consumers take the opportunity to shop it up.

Bald Eagle

I decided to shave my head today... no particular reason, it is something I have done a few times before, and I feel that the hair which re-emerges is healthier and (hopefully) a bit thicker. Over the past 5 years or so my hair has been thinning a tad (which ironically is the time I came back to Grad School), and in the past year, I think it has started to get a bit noticeable to those who look closely. Since it looks like I am headed down that route anyway, I decided to have a bit of fun and see what it would be like to be bald...

Unfortunately, I picked a bad time of year to do it though, as it is becoming quite apparent just how much warmth hair provides to your head. I feel like wearing a cap all the time as my head is so cool! Overall though, its not so bad... I have started thinking about the advantages of being bald... saving so much money on haircuts... so much money on shampoo... the nice massage you get in the shower when the water falls directly onto your scalp... no more worrying about how to style your hair in the morning... and of course there is that 'badass' look you kind of get by being man enough to shave your head...

Maybe being a bald eagle isn't so bad after all... ;)

Restaurant Review: Cafe Mumbai

Cafe Mumbai
2893 W. Broadway
Vancouver, BC

Well, its been a while since I have written a restaurant review, as unfortunately, I haven't been out to a restaurant for a while! I guess this is mainly because in the process of writing so many restaurant reviews this year, my waistline expanded a few inches, and I decided to try and cut back a bit.

However, a few friends were in town for lunch last weekend, so decided to stray from my diet (which wasn't that difficult to do anyway), and went to a place I had been meaning to try out, as I had passed by many times. Cafe Mumbai restaurant is one of the more well known Indian Restaurants in Vancouvers west end, and shame on me for waiting so long to try it.

I had heard mixed reviews about the restaurant, as some people felt it was overpriced. However, I must say, that overall, I was impressed. One of my friends in particular was in a carnivorous mood, and so we ended up ordering mainly non-veg dishes, namely Chicken Tikka Kabab, Butter Chicken, and Chicken Vindaloo... and for good measure, we ordered a Butter Paneer, along with sides of Rice and Naan. For starters we ordered Papri Chaat for everyone.

Overall, I was very impressed by the taste of the food. Not too oily, nice and spicy, but not overwhelming. The proportions were good, as all 7 of us ended up with full tummys. Furthermore, the cost of the dinner was fairly reasonable, only $15 per head. The service was very prompt, but this was mainly because we had gone in during off peak hours during the late afternoon.

Definately one of the better Indian Restaurants in the West End of Vancouver certainly. I would recommend this place for lunch or dinner anytime.

Service: 3.5/5
Location/Ambiance: 3/5
Food: 3.5/5

Busy Month!

Well, it has been over a month, and I haven't posted anything! In truth, it has been a very busy month. However, nothing blog-worthy has happened, and I haven't had any thought provoking ideas to write about either. Nevertheless, be it weddings, pujas, dandiaya nights, farewell parties, reunions with friends, movies or ISA events, I must say this has been one of the most enjoyable and socially active months I have had in a while!

Hopefully next month I get time to rest my old bones and perhaps blog something more noteworthy...

IST

This post is about a pet peeve of mine... and ironically although it is a pet peeve, in all honesty, over the past few years, I am very much guilty of having become quite accustomed to performing this peeve... which I guess makes me a... hypocrite!? :S

Every Indian knows what IST is... 'Indian Standard Time' means that no matter what the occasion, you always show up late for an appointment/meeting/get together... sometimes, it is being 'fashionably late'... but more often than not, it is just being irresponsible, insensitive and too lazy to actually show up places on time.

Now, why am I writing about this today of all days? Well, it is one week to the start of the Commonwealth Games in Delhi, and the venues and accomodations are still not ready. Any other major professional world sporting event would have had their facilities ready and tested 6 months in advance, but not in Delhi... because, after all, IST is the norm. It just wouldn't be 'Indian' if things were done professionally and on time for a change. Heaven forbid you question it, because if you did, it would be 'Anti-National' to do so. Instead it is better to blame foreign contingents for having standards which are just overly high. It is far easier to make excuses than accept your mistakes.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/commonwealth_games/delhi_2010/9025907.stm

The Indian middle class has eagerly bought into every western vice thrown at it over the past two decades. It is about time that it learns to accept some of its virtues, and those are of punctuality and professionalism. I really genuinely hope that somehow Delhi manages to get things done at the last minute, and that the games go off smoothly, because if not, it will really be a major embarassment.

Ironically, India was ranked as the '3rd most powerful nation in the world' just a few days back. Well, perhaps it is time to start acting like a powerful nation, rather than just flaunting the title.

Journey to the middle of nowhere...

In what will likely be my last trip outside of Vancouver this year, a group of friends and I took a road trip to a small town in Northern BC called Tumbler Ridge. Tumbler Ridge is a small mining town located north of Prince George and just south of Ft St John in the Peace River district of British Columbia. Despite living my entire life in this province, I had never been north of Kamloops on the mainland, and so the trip was kind of an eye-opener.

In fact, we had gone to drop a friend of ours off, as she had recently gotten a job there, and would be there for at least the next few months. We arrived in the town/village after a 16 hr drive from Vancouver. Although I don't appreciate it as much as I should, I must say that there is definitely a good reason as to why BC landscape is considered to be spectacular. Sections of the road between Pemberton and Lilloet were truly breathtaking, and we were really in awe of the land that god had sculpted.

Tumbler Ridge itself is basically a mining town, where most of the residents are transient, and no one really lives there for more than a few years at most, mainly due to the remoteness of the town, and the harsh climate (it goes down to -40C in the winter apparently). There are quite a few activities that you can take part in the summer, namely golfing, fishing, hiking, and hunting (none of which I had really ever done before). Unfortunately, the winters are not as pleasant, as the residents are basically confined indoors in front of their TV sets.

I must say, that the residents of this town are quite different from Vancouverites. While they may not be as metropolitan and refined as city dwellers, I really found them to be warm, open, funny and genuine, which is not always something you can say about Vancouverites. I was afraid that they might be stuck-up, boorish rednecks, but I was really pleasantly surprised to see that this is kind of a myth, and racism was not an issue at all. Essentially, if you were willing to adjust and blend into the community, the community would do its best to respect your values and traditions. This was really great to see.

I don't know how often I will be going up there to visit my friends, but it turns out that a small mining town is not as intimidating a place as it seems, and it was really a nice change from the mundane.

Random News...

A couple of items in the news have caught my attention lately. Of one, I have a definate opinion. The other... not so much.


Ground Zero Mosque
9 years ago, after 9/11 there was much discussion and debate over what would go on at the site of the former World Trade Center. At that time, I don't think anyone ever would have imagined that a plan to build a mosque at the site would ever possibly be considered.

To be clear, the mosque would not literally be constructed at the site where the World Trade Center was located. However, when the buildings collapsed, there was massive damage to the adjacent areas, even blocks away. And it is at some distance that the Islamic Center would be located.

This is a tough one. On one hand, America espouses itself as a bastion of democracy, tolerance and freedom of expression. Therefore, there should really be no opposition to the project. But I can understand the sentiments of New Yorkers, and why they would be so upset with the idea of constructing a mosque in such an area, after the events of that terrible day. You would also think that perhaps Muslims would be a bit more sensitive to the sentiments of those opposed. Its a crappy deal, but unfortunately, 9/11 has made the world tougher for those who follow Islam. It will be interesting to see which side backs down ultimately, and what the reprecussions will be.


Match Fixing
On this issue, I have a much clearer opinion. What the hell is wrong with Pakistani Cricket, and more precisely the Pakistani Cricket administration? After their fellow countrymen greeted foreign cricket players with bulletholes in their buses last summer, it now seems as if the players themselves are determined to go abroad and completely screw up the game. Although nothing has been conclusively proven yet, a decade after match fixing first surfaced, it appears to have resurfaced, and it seems as if some of Pakistans best cricketers are involved.

In the midst of the suffering caused by the terrible flooding there right now, it is quite sad that the countries players would abuse the national pastime like this. I have always had a lot of respect for the talents of Pakistani fast bowlers, and it is really a shame to see that rather than throwing cricket balls around, they are throwing their careers and their integrity away instead.

All izz well?

'Aaaaaaaaal izzzzz wellllllll...'

That is the advice Amir Khan gives to his friends in the movie '3 Idiots' to make them feel better. Just tell yourself that 'All izz well', and eventually, all will become well. It is an advice that I am given quite often, and I know friends who swear by it.

All izz well? Yeah right. What good does it do to tell yourself that all is well, when things are not well? Life is not a Bollywood movie. Things do not magically work out on their own. You are in control of your actions and not the results. Since you are in control of your actions, why not try and take control of your destiny as much as possible and try and make things well, when they are not going well? There is no guarantee that all will become well, but I think it is much more sane advice than just being a happy-go-lucky foolish optimist.

So should you be pessimistic? Absolutely not. No one ever got any where by being full of negative energy. The first step to making your life better is to believe that it can be better, and that will never happen if you are convinced that nothing in the world can go right.

So friends, my advice to you, is don't be a foolish optimist, and don't be a negative pessimist. Be a realist, allow yourself to be depressed, and allow yourself to be happy. Both emotions will make you a stronger person in the long run. Make your own decisions, but never have such a big ego to not be able to take good advice.

Remember, not to look at the glass as being half full, not as being half empty, but recognizing that you have the capacity to fill it upto the brim.

And that is the gyan I have to give today. :)

One Year

I was just looking through some of my old blogs today. And I came to realise that it has been exactly one year since I started this blog! My first original post to this blog was on August 17, 2009. I have several postings before this as well, but those were just old notes that I had imported from Facebook.

Why did I start this blog? Well, I don't really know. I had come back from Europe about this time last year, and felt as if I had alot of things to say. I think people were getting irritated with my many Facebook notes, and I decided this would be an interesting thing to start up. I enjoy writing, as I feel it lets me vent off some steam once in a while, and I think I communicate better through written words than spoken sentences. Of course I realise alot of the stuff I write would be quite boring, but I hope that occasionally, I come up with something which holds the readers interest.

To those of you who read my my blog on a semi regular basis, both to those whom I know, and to those who follow anonymously, thank you and I hope you enjoy reading about my thoughts, experiences, and mindless drivel. I shall try to keep doing this for as long as I have interest and the time. Cheers to you, and cheers to the year ahead!